


I want to see the sunlight

by Snowsmeraldo



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, But I will explore other characters's thoughts too, Canon Compliant, Character Study, During Re:Mind, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Forgiveness, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Multi, People Struggling with Emotions, Post-Canon, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Post-Re:Mind, Recovery, References to Depression, mostly Isa and Naminé centric, terraqua vanven and sorikai will be mentionned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19383373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowsmeraldo/pseuds/Snowsmeraldo
Summary: We have lost this close contact with the sun and its healing powers. We have become afraid of it.The former prisoners of Sora's heart and their ginger-haired friend will find the path to forgiveness for the sake of two lost souls seeking atonement.Or the story of the Seasalt Trio adopting Isa and Naminé.





	1. That day under the laboratory lightning

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for checking up my fic.
> 
> I’m not a native english speaker but I’ll try my best to not make too many mistakes. You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/snowsmeraldo).
> 
> This story is mainly about Isa, Naminé, Roxas, Xion and Lea struggling to find self-forgiveness for the wrongs they have caused to each other. Basically everybody feels guilty about something and seeks to find forgiveness and to forgive each other. 
> 
> Also even though it is mostly canon compliant, it has some canon-divergent elements.
> 
> The quote in the summary is from the _Healing Sun: sunlight and health in the 21st century_ written by Richard Hobday. Even though the book demonstrates the power of the sun mainly from a medical perspective, I was using it as a metaphor for the struggles the characters will face in this fic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa realises he is feeling a warm sensation in his chest. He is finally able to feel his loves for this town especially for this town's sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my baby steps as a writter. I'm not used to write but I hope you enjoy reading it nonetheless!

 

Isa realised something while walking with 4 sea-salt ice creams in his hands.

 

He loves this town.

 

He loves those convivial alleys. He loves how alive this town feels. Kids are hanging out near that successful diner. Two women are discussing which dress they prefer better in front of a charming boutique. He hears people clapping from that outdoor cinema.

None of these noises annoys him. This town is a strange mix of life and silence. He's feeling a quiet yet warm sensation in his chest walking through this town. Tranquility, that's what he is feeling.

 

While climbing to the top of that golden tower, he tastes a glimpse of sunshine. He saw this town's sunset a few times when he was a Nobody. Yet, he feels it's the first time he comprehends why Lea, Roxas and Xion loved to spend their free times on that clock tower. It's peaceful and warm.

 

He is slowly remembering how to put his emotions into words. Not so long ago, he hardly could get why he was crying when he was spending time with Lea. He just wanted to be happy with his loved one but his mind tortured him constantly.

 

 

* * *

 

After being recompleted, he ended up in Ansem's laboratory. His head hurt and he could hardly figure out what was going on around him. Ansem the Wise ? Ienzo ?

He passed out a lot in the first days. All he knew was that he needed to be confined to bed.

 

Having spent half of his life as a Nobody on top of being a vessel for the heart of someone else could "damage your capacity to sort out your emotions" said Ienzo. That was an understament. He felt like a child again who learn about all sort of emotions day after day. Of course he knew all about the emotional vocabulary from his memories but he just couldn't comprehend and distinguish them. His emotions were too intertwined.

 

He remembers Ienzo helped him at first, just after his recompletion. He had to talk about some events of his life before becoming a Nobody, and then tried to word what his past-self felt. Isa was curious. Why doesn't Ienzo seem to have any difficulty ? He became a Nobody when he was a little child. Why does he seem like he doesn't struggle at all ? Isa asked him one day and Ienzo said : "I had big troubles expressing myself even as a child but I have always read a lot and it helped me back then. That's what I did after my recompletion too, reading." Reading uh ? It seems like it will be the next stage of his recovery.

 

Isa was still in a bed in Radiant Garden castle, unable to walk more than five steps before falling down. He didn't know why the others didn't physically struggle as much as him. Ienzo didn't have a hard time with this as much as Isa according to him, neither did Aeleus or Dilan. Is it because he became a Nobody twice in a row, or is it because of Xehanort's heart ? He simply didn't know and didn't care at this point.

 

Ienzo, after realising that he couldn't help more by just listening to Isa trying to put into words his past emotions without much success, decided to give him some books. Of course not any sort of book. They were mostly relying on the relationships between the characters. Isa remembers that he used to read a lot when he was child. Well, It's not like he has anything else to do in this bed. So he actually started reading. Most of this books didn't helped him. He didn't understand the characters's motivations, goals. He found them stupid. However, there's a story that unexpectedly interested him.

 

It was about a girl who fell in love with her closest friend. It was her childhood friend actually. She spent most of her life following that girl, a beautiful black haired girl who surprisingly emits more sunlight than the sun itself, by only her smile. The protagonist always loved her. However it didn't seem to be mutual at first. Turned out the other girl was actually in love with the protagonist for a long time. She was so outgoing with everyone, she couldn't express her love for a specific person. She struggled to explain why her feelings for the protagonist are differents from the affection she feels for her other friends.

They ended up together at the end -- of the first volume.

 

The second one is less cheesy. The two girls have to deal with their slow disconnection. The tension rises when the protagonist noticed her loved one is not being as affected as her by their damaged relationship. Her beloved girlfriend has issues expressing herself to the protagonist, and the protagonist knows that. Even so, she feels her lover doesn't do any effort to actually show she cares about their relationship. The book ended with the protagonist coming to a conclusion.

 

She is feeling jealous of her girlfriend. That girl has other friends. A damaged romantic relationship can't put her down. Her girlfriend knows plenty of people who loves and supports her. The protagonist doesn't. Unfortunately it looks like the third volume isn't out yet.

 

* * *

 

 **Jealousy** \-- one of the few emotions he ever felt and comprehend as a Nobody. And it was toward one person.

 

 

 

He wants to see **him**.

 

 

He wants Lea to sit with him on the bed and read together. He wants Lea to be the one to see each steps he is making toward recovery. If there is one person he actually wants to share his messy emotions, it's Lea. Maybe he is ready to face him.

 

Saix felt **betrayed**. Axel moved on and was able to connect with other people. All 3 weren't supposed to connect and yet they did and Saix was left behind. That constant anger spreading across his body and mind was there because Axel has abandoned him, him and her.

 

But Isa tried to make things rights in the end. He helped bring back Roxas and Xion. He took advantage of his position to provide replicas, thinking about Lea. He wanted his former friend to forgive him. And he did --

 

 

Did he ?

 

Did he really have forgiven him ?

 

 

Will Lea truly **forget** what Saix has done ? After he let **lust for power** and **anger** ruin him ?

 

 

He is feeling tired. It's the first time since his recompletion he wants to sleep that much. His mind is wearing him down.

 

 

The following morning, Ienzo came in his room as usual but he seemed nervous. Isa asked a pill for his headache and Ienzo didn't answer. Isa had to ask a second time for Ienzo to hear him, flinching a little.

 

"H-Here's your medicine" Ienzo hand him a pill and a glass of water. "Are you okay ?" Isa asked him. "Being distracted doesn't look like you". Ienzo looked him in the eyes and then quickly turned his head. Does he hesitate to tell me something ? Thought Isa.

 

"Actually... I wanted to ask you if you were okay with something ?" said Ienzo sitting on the chair next to the bed. "Yes ?", Ienzo took a deep breath. "Soon after the final battle against Xehanort, Lea called me".

 

Isa went rigid. Hearing that name made his head hurt again. But he continued to listen. "He wanted to know if you were recompleted and, well... if you had decided to stay and to not... disappear". What Isa felt at this instant was so clear and a light pain hurted his heart.

 

 

It was **guilt**.

 

 

Maybe it was what made his emotions messed up yesterday.

 

He is the one who abandoned what he values the most. How could he ask Lea to sit with him enduring his own problems after what he has done ?

 

 

He was **selfish**.

 

 

Isa suddenly felt his stomach hurt.

 

Ienzo noticed he wasn't feeling well and says with the most empathic voice he could make " If you're still confused, we can talk about what I wanted to say later. Take your time to sort out your emotions. You're health is the priority and I'm sure he would agree".

 

 

He would-- agree ?

 

He is worried-- about me ?

 

 

Ienzo was making that thinking face with his hand on his chin. Obviously Ienzo wanted to carefully say something. Then he finally talked "Okay so, when he called me the first time, you were just recompleted and we needed to evaluate your condition. I told him to wait a little longer before visiting you. He obviously wanted to see you as soon as possible so he was a little let down, but if it's for your health he didn't mind." Isa continued to watch him, still confused. "I know your emotions aren't clear and are confusing since your recompletion, and-- you and Lea have obviously plenty of things to discuss. But he cares about you. Since it's what you seem to doubt, I wanted to make you sure of it."

 

He let Isa processing this. He cares about...me ? He meant what he said at the keyblades graveyard ? When Saix was disappearing in Lea's arms, his feelings were coming back and before he ended up in this confusing state at Radiant Garden, he remembers he felt... relief. "See you, Isa", Lea's words where so reassuring.

 

Seeing Isa calmed down, Ienzo goes on "So, I wish I could help you dealing with your relationship, but all I can do is helping you reconnect your emotions with yourself. I studied the heart since I was a child so at least I could give you a hand. But to reconnect your emotions about specific people, you'll need to interact with them. Being alone in your head thinking about what a person might think of you isn't how you will recover." Isa was shocked. Not by the sudden practical tone Ienzo has chosen to use, but by how easily Ienzo was able to say something he actually needed to hear.

 

Isa was silent for quite a long time. Ienzo didn't mind and said he will come back later, and if Isa wants to talk, he will always listen.

 

 

Isa decided to open up a little to Ienzo the day after. Saying things with his own voice rather than letting Ienzo making assumptions about Isa's feelings (even though the young scientist was right) felt more appropriate.

 

So, he sat more comfortably on his bed, cough a little bit. He was feeling nervous. But he's determined to try to understand his heart.

 

" I'm-- I'm scared to face him. I know I should talk to him and he will most likely be really thoughtful with me. But I can't help to think he might changes his mind and leave me behind".

 

 

Isa own words caught him off guard. It was such a simple sentence.

 

 

Ienzo made a soft smile "You see!"

"You can put your feelings into words.".

 

 

At that moment, Isa realised something. He is slowly making progress. He understands his own feelings much better. But why did his feelings toward Lea were so simple yet so complicated at the same time ? Words like jealousy and guilt came so fast to his mind. And these emotions are so clear. What is he struggling with ? What is he missing ?

 

He remembered that story he read. Why did the girls relationship fell apart ?

 

 

" **Lost Faith** ", Isa looked at Ienzo who put a book on his bed. He didn't even noticed Ienzo had a book in his hand when he came in. "That's the third volume's title". Maybe these books full of clichés were onto something. What he really was struggling with is--

 

The fear to not be able to trust the redhead's feelings. Lea's giving up on him again frighten him. Even if he said he wanted to bring Isa home, will it remain the same forever ? Isa too has abandoned him.

 

 

Both of them betrayed each other's **trust**.

 

 

Isa knew at this moment. To believe Lea can forgive him. To believe Lea wants to live with Isa by his side. To fully grasp the redemption Lea hands him. He will need to trust him again. And he will have to earn Lea's trust back. That's what he truly wants.

 

 

**A mutual trust**

 

 

It's the only thing that can help him earn a genuine and sincere forgiveness. To turn his guilt into a peaceful future with Lea.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^^ It's just an introduction. I have way more stuff I want to write in this fic so I'm here for a relatively long time I guess.
> 
> I hope I've conveyed Isa's feeling clearly. His emotions were a mess after his recompletion. Basically his body and mind tried to understand his own heart, the center of emotions. I had the idea of the book to make Isa relate to the story of this girl. He slowly understood his feelings toward Lea again and put them into words like guilt, jealousy, love and everything else.
> 
> Some precisions, I didn't mention Demyx because we don't know if he is still at Radiant Garden or if he just vanished. So let's just say Ienzo simply didn't mention him if he is still in the castle, or that his disappearance isn't a something Ienzo wanted to worry Isa over.
> 
> Also, I don't know if Ienzo's behaviour was out of character. To me he seemed very sympathetic in kh3. And even if he wants to advance scientific discoveries, I think he can be very attentive to people's feelings. That's what I've understood from kh3 at least.
> 
> Thank you again for reading ! Next time will be the Leaisa reunion. See you around !


	2. When the past and the future meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Lea and Isa's relationship deeply changed over the years, their hearts want to connect again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, finally, here's the second chapter. The first one was a brief introduction. I don't know if I like it tho. I think at least it was okay to gave an idea of what the themes are going to be (?)
> 
> I'm more satisfied with this one. Isa's feelings are more fleshed out I think.

 

Some time after their conversation, Ienzo announced that Lea was going to come to visit them next week.

 

Expecting an overwhelming reunion, Ienzo did more careful medical examinations and check-up. The young scientist wanted to make sure Isa was stable and didn't freak out too much at the thought of seeing Lea face-to-face.

Isa is eager to see and talk to him of course. He is apprehensive and nervous, yet for the first time since his recompletion, all of this mingled emotions felt rights. Isa is handling his feelings coexisting within his heart a little better. It was still confusing, but it felt natural.

The day of the anticipated reunion, Isa sat on his bed, his feets touching the white tiling.

 

Lea will be here soon.

 

 

Waiting nervously, Isa turned his head, facing the window next to the bed. He was so tired all the time he didn't even thought about checking how Radiant Garden looked. This town has seen so much. But surprisingly, it felt alive. The flowers were as beautiful as ever, people were doing their everyday life, and the perfectly fine buildings could make one forget this world's downfall.

 

In the distance, he can see the square Lea and him used to hang around when they were kids. They liked to spend time together there, mostly to find a way to sneak into the castle, but sometimes they would sit somewhere. Isa would read the newest novel he brought at the library and Lea would sleep, his head on his laps. When Lea was waking up, he always made a big smile looking directly into the other boy's eyes.

Radiant Garden was and still is a beautiful city. But if he was being honest, Lea's smile is what radiated the most. He shined so brightly. When Lea smiled at him, Isa felt his heart clenching. "I love him so much", that's what he thought at least one hundred time a day. This world's treasure was Lea. Radiant Garden without the cheerful boy would felt cold and empty.

 

Isa's world was Lea and only Lea. His only friend, the only connection he valued. He didn't want to be attached to anyone but Lea.

 

His ginger-haired friend however-- was outgoing with the whole world. He had countless of people he called his friends. The day they tried to get inside the castle for the first time, Lea socialized with a weird lonely kid playing with a toy sword.

He had no idea why the nobody of the keyblade chosen one looked like that odd kid. But one thing was certain, they weren't the same person. At the time of the first organisation, Saïx suspected Xemnas knew more than what he disclosed. He didn't trust him. Still he had to be loyal to get information. Later he learned that that blonde kid, Ventus, was a keyblade wielder and was Castle Oblivion's secret.

Something inside of him wished that the girl Lea and him found years ago was also hidden somewhere inside. To this day, there is still no trace of her. If he had known sooner that Xemnas had no idea where she was, would he still have joined the new organisation?

 

He felt anger when Lea, who was so determined to free her, gave up. Lea, who was so reckless but with a will so strong Isa envied him. Axel was everything Lea wasn't. And Saïx hated it.

Isa now understands why Axel chased after what was assumed to be a delusional friendship. He suddenly felt the need to connect with this two kids. They gave him their unconditional sincere trust. They gave him what Saïx didn't. They are the reason Axel found a new purpose and get back his life. He acted more like Lea again, because of them, not because of him.

 

But who was he to be resentful? He failed to bring her back and was instead obsessed with jealousy. His ferocity and emptiness, henceforth was what defines him. He has been chosen to be a vessel long ago, yet even if he wasn't, yes, he would have joined the new organisation one way or another. That's the only place where he belonged after all he has done.

He was so angry Lea changed, he didn't even noticed how he himself changed. He wanted to reclaim his heart, to bring back that girl. But he hurt himself in the process. The berserk power was the perfect opportunity to increase his strength, in return his hidden anger, sorrow and pain took control of him. From buried emotions, to an explosion of rage. Yet, this power is a monstrosity. A monstrosity he was willing to create and will continue to haunt him forever.

At least, he used his position to help Roxas and Xion. He can clearly feel it now, he is happy that he was able to remember how much Lea was important to him. Bringing back the only two people who offered him what Saïx couldn't, appeased his soul for a brief moment, before vanishing in Lea's arms.

 

He really wants to see Lea. He wants to talk to him. He wants to live again.

But, he would be a burden to Lea right? Even if Lea is worried about him right now, he has Roxas and Xion to take care of. He would get tired of him. Isa hated to considerate this. He should trust Lea, he knows this. Lea wouldn't leave him, he wouldn't disappear, he wouldn't erase everything they've shared--

But what if he did ?

 

The same questions played in a loop in his head over and over again since his recompletion. He knows what he wants. But he doesn't know if he will earn it. Understanding his feelings again was only the first hardship. Now he will have to act.

 

* * *

 

Isa, still sitting on the bed, tried to see in the mirror on the other side of the room if he didn't seems too miserable. From afar, he noticed how paled he looked. He guessed he had appeared much worse days ago, but it still didn't look great. His hair was a mess too. He could try to arrange them a little. He slowly stood up. He felt weak but his body didn't give up. He didn't fall down this time.

In front of the mirror, he tried to look a little more healthy. He doesn't want to be pathetic, he doesn't want to be pitiable. Not again and not in front of Lea. But who was he trying to fool. Lea has already seen him at his worse. Is this an insignificant attempt to pretend everything will be alright ? He should be sincere and honest. That's what he told himself.

If he wants Lea to be genuinely real, about what he feels, about what he thinks, Isa has to be too, that's all he need to think right now. So he reached his bed and sat down. Waiting for Lea.

 

Finally, he heard footsteps. It's him. He knows it. His heart thumps. He grasped the blanket as he's stitting on the bed. When the footsteps were approaching closer and closer. He instinctively looked at the floor. No, that's not right. Don't be scared to face him. Don't be scared to look at him the eyes. Don't be scared to be true to him. Your eyes are the first things he will see. The proof you're human again. So, as someone knocked on the door, Isa raised his eyes.

"Isa!". Everything he overthought and doubted was washed away for an instant. Suddenly everything was moving so fast. At one moment he sees red hair, teary green eyes and a growing smile opening the door, and then he was there, in front of him, both knees on the floor.

They both looked into each other's eyes, not knowing what to say or what to do. Lea didn't know what to do with his hands. And Isa unconsciously grasped the sheet harder.

 

"Can- Can I hug you?"

 

 

That- wasn't what he expected Lea to say in the first few seconds of their reunion (or was it?). Isa closed his eyes. He exaled a little as a little smile grew on his face. "Of course you can" he said tenderly.

Then two arms enveloped his upper body and two hands gripped the back of his shirt. Lea's head find its place right beside Isa's heart.

"I missed you. I missed you so much, Isa.". Isa was starting to pat Lea's back with one hand when he felt his shirt getting soak. "Lea? You're- crying." Lea hugged him harder. "It's- It's not sad tears don't worry. I'm just happy". Lea has always been the emotional one. He'd cry because of joy, excitement, anger, anxiety or sadness. Isa is glad. His Lea, the Lea he remembers is alive and hugging him. That too emotional little kid is here with him in Radiant Garden.

 

But it's not that kid. He was named Axel not so long ago.

Isa and Saïx despised Axel. Isa and Saïx loved Lea, or at least seeked to love him again. Even if they've had different names, they're the same person, right ? It's the same soul who hugged a sleeping Lea under a tree in Radiant Garden but also coldheartedly reacted to Axel's death.

So if Isa is Saïx, Lea is Axel too. He is the person he loved and hated the most. And that thought frighten Isa.

 

"You're here, really here, I'm- I'm just overwhelmed. Just- give me a moment" Lea said between sobs as he tried to listen to Isa's heartbeat closer. Isa wants to pet Lea's hair and hug him back. But images of Axel won't leave his mind. He feels bad for not being as comfortable with Lea as he was as a kid. He wished it could be a reunion where they forget everything that happened.

Lea probably noticed Isa's hesitation and after drying his tears, he moved away from Isa's chest.

"You said you were ok with me hugging you, so- what's wrong?". That's it. that's the moment they are supposed to talk. Isa took Lea's hands in his own and after several minutes of Lea patiently waiting for Isa to open up, he looked straight into Lea's eyes and tried to show his most honest side. The Isa Lea didn't hear for years.

 

"I- um I'm sorry. I want you to know that I truly understand how much my actions were unjustified. I treated you, Roxas and Xion horribly and I-", Isa tighten his grip on Lea hands but the redhead didn't move his eyes away from Isa's.

"I know I said you'll not hear it from me again- but I was so angry at you when you stopped being- you." Isa breathed deeply and continued. "You stopped trying to search for her, you stopped smiling, you stopped crying, you were so- lifeless. But the worst is, I wasn't even affected by your changes at the beginning. It had only begun when you started taking care of Roxas and Xion. That's when I understood what anger and jealousy were. That's when I was angry at you for seeking what I thought was a delusional friendship, leaving me and her behind. I wanted us to get back our hearts, to be Isa and Lea again, to continue our journey to save this girl. But it felt so helpless. The more you've gain a heart through Roxas, Xion and Sora too, the more my life was empty and meaningless.

Lea listened to Isa without flinching, then he tried to say something, "Isa, you-".

Isa interrupted him, desperately wanting to speak what's in his heart. "I just want us to be like before, back when we were kids, but it isn't possible right ?".

Lea put one of his hand to Isa's jaw, he stopped to make sure Isa was fine with it. When Isa nodded, he carressed his cheek, making circles with his thumb. "I don't think it's possible either Isa. But I- this time I'm not giving up on you. I promise."

"But, is my heart ever going to heal ? If I actually had grown a heart as a nobody, it would be only fill with hatred. What happened when I was recompleted ? Did it merged with my human heart ? All this rage, I feel it, it's right here" Isa let go of Lea's hand and touched his chest. "When I woke up, my heart panicked, I was constantly exhausted and I didn't understand why. I had a fever for days, I still can't walk without pain. I'm still not sure but I think it's the Berserker power who caused all my pain. I don't know how it will react if I feel a strong emotion, if- if I feel betrayed."

Isa lower his hand still on his heart to reach for Lea's but he stopped "I'm- I'm lost. Even if you mean your promise now, will it be the same in a year, or even a month? Is it selfish to want you to not abandonning me and hope you will actually face all of this with me?".

 

"You know, before I can answer this, I need to tell you something".

Lea didn't want to stress Isa and decided to tell what was on his mind without thinking about a proper way to explain himself for several silent minutes. So he continued without hesitation.

" To tell you the truth I don't think I have ever wanted to get back my heart. I was scared to feel as empty as a nobody even with a heart. But, when Roxas and Xion joined the organisation. I felt something close to happiness for the first time in years. I had the chance to find a reason to live with these two kids at my side. Whether it was a life as a nobody or a human."

Lea paused a little looking at Isa to detect any discomfort. He didn't want their reunion to end up with Isa passing out. They could still talk later. But Isa reach for Lea's hand on his cheek to reassure him. He could continue. 

"I had a heart thanks to them, it didn't feel empty because I- I found a purpose. And- yes, you weren't my purpose, you weren't the reason I lived again. I hated you even, I wanted to help Roxas and Xion to gain a life on their own. I was powerless and I blamed you when they've met their end. But I blamed myself too because I couldn't do more.

I was a coward, lying to them to expand my feeling of happiness. So ultimately I can't blame you for chasing your own happiness, your heart and our past. After all, I didn't respect Xion decision to go back to Sora just because of my selfish desire. I wanted to save her, but did I really? She had to make Roxas fight her. I can't even imagine what they felt.

And then I was willing to do terrible things to get Roxas and Xion back. I kidnapped Kairi, I tried to harm Sora..."

 

"But in the end you were able to let go and you sacrificed yourself for Sora. You weren't weak, you were brave ! I was a coward for chasing after the past. I wasn't able to let go. I made terrible decisions and couldn't move on. Look what I did ! I don't think Roxas, Xion, Sora or anyone should forgive me. I want you to forgive me but it doesn't feel r-"

 

Lea interrupted him, "We both did terrible things Isa! I only happened to have done the right thing sooner!"

 

Isa turned his head away, Lea's hand was left hanging in the air. He cursed himself after realizing he has grown a distance between them. After regaining some closeness, why did he react like this? Why is he so scared of listening to this?

 

Lea tried to not look hurt, but failed. He slowly lower his hand to his side. Even if Isa doesn't look at him anymore, the redhead took a breath and talked again.

"You can get your life back too. You can do the right thing from now on. I gave up on you and you gave up on me. We just have to gain the courage to give our new life a chance. You're here and Xehanort's gone, if you don't think you deserve a new life, then earn it. You are strong enough Isa, and if you feel like you're not, this time I'll be here to support you."

Lea felt bad for being a little too harsh, but he really wants Isa to understand how much he can embrace his new life. Isa wants this life, he wants to atone even if he doesn't feel like he can be forgiven. Lea wants him to forgive himself too. But it sure going to be difficult, Lea had already troubles facing Kairi. But Kairi forgave him. She helped him realized he is worthy of being a hero of light, his present choices are what matters the most to her.

 

"And to answer your question" Lea said, "You're not selfish for wanting to have me at your side forever, I want this too. I'll work hard to make this work and I trust you will do the same." Lea took Isa hands in his once again. "But your doubts are justified, we could still fell apart from each other again, it could happen."

Isa flinched a little but Lea continued. "Yet, we've grown and I trust you will not let your anger eat you up. You want to trust I will not abandon you then I trust you will not let the Berserker take over. Even if we're wrong and hurt each other again, I want to live it with you."

Lea sighed, "And- you know, this time, I think we will be strong enough to move on. The organisation doesn't exist anymore, the context isn't the same, even if we chose different paths we will discuss it together, I will not let the distance slowly grow between us because of repeated silence, not this time..."

 

Isa finally looked at Lea again. His eyes are so bright and hopeful.

 

Lea took Isa's hands in his own and smiled.

 

"So, do you want to jump into the unknown with me ?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ! I hope it wasn't too messy.
> 
> I intended to have a way longer chapter but I decided to post this part for the Akusai day and leave the rest for the next chapter. So I guess we're on the Leaisa side of the story for a little while. 
> 
> Also Naminé is the other side of the story and I can't wait to write her!


	3. Remorse and gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa wish he could sleep forever as a redhead is trying to understand how to live and take care of his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, finally !
> 
> Because of college papers I just couldn't write. And since Re:Mind was about to came out when my semester was finished, I thought I should wait and see if it fucks up my fic plan. Fortunaly not that much.
> 
> I really loved it by the way, and I'm still stuck at the secret boss T-T
> 
> If you didn't play Re:Mind I think this fic spoils little things. Not in that chapter but in the few next absolutely. So be warned.
> 
> Any big canon-divergence will probably be about the temporality, because kh3 implies that Sora's quest didn't last that long. In this fic I'll say it already : at the end of KH3 when Sora disappears on Destiny Islands, it has been at least two months since he left after the Keyblade War. He basically left for nearly three months to search for Kairi. It's long T-T
> 
> I just needed time for the characters to heal and reunite properly. Isa needs to recover, the seasalt trio has things to say to each other first, they have to move to Twilight Town etc. The beach party has to wait a little.

 

Isa didn’t answer to Lea. He simply rested his forehead on Lea’s shoulder. They’ve stayed like that for a long time, without saying anything else.

 

When it was time for Lea to go, Ienzo enter the room and explained that Isa needs to stay at Radiant Garden a little more. Even though both of them wanted nothing more than never be separated again, they broke their hug and Lea ruffled Isa’s hair. He then withdrew his hand and headed for the door. He said he’ll come back everyday until Isa doesn’t require treatment anymore.

"I’ll help you rebuild your life Isa. You’ll tell whatever you want to do and I’ll be there for you !" Lea said with a big smile on his face. Isa was alone in his room after that, alone with his thoughts again.

 

He still needed time to recover and he really wasn’t ready to face Roxas and Xion yet. He needed time to sort his feelings, to think about what he should say to them, apologize to them properly.

Come to think of it, how would Roxas and Xion react to him staying with Lea ? He was told Lea lives with them in Twilight Town now. Lea has to watch over them. He’s already wasting time to spend more days with Isa. These kids need Lea more than he does. And they surely don’t need Isa to remind them of their days in the organisation. He should keep his distance with them then.

Lea said he’ll be here to support him no matter what. However, how can he take care of him and the kids ? Especially if Isa doesn’t live at Twilight Town ? Isa doesn’t want to stand between Lea and Xion and Roxas. Should Isa draw away from Lea then ?

 

But Isa doesn’t want to leave Lea. _He wouldn’t survive without him…_

 

 

He wonders.

Does nobodies survive after being defeated because they still had a purpose ? They’ve recompleted as people again thanks to Sora. Two times in his case. Dying but not really is such a haunting experience. A void and then a light. Why ?

Why should he get a second chance ? Not that he doesn’t want to atone, Isa wish to make up for his mistakes more than anything else. But is it worth it ? Is he worthy ? Regardless of Lea’s trust, is he worthy in the eyes of others ?

 

So much questions again. He’s tired.

 

 

If he had **died** it would have be so much **easier**.

 

 

_No_.

 

Please don’t think like that.

Isa doesn’t know what this _purpose_ was. Repentance ? Lea ? But If he was supposed to die just like that or live for something or someone isn’t the question right now. Lea said he wouldn’t give up on him. Even if Isa tries to run away form him, Lea wouldn’t let him alone if he saw how much the sole fact of being without Lea hurts Isa so much.

 

Isa didn’t realize that night had fallen. As he was thinking in his bed, he slowly fell asleep, leaving his worries on hold for the time being.

 

* * *

 

 

After leaving Radiant Garden, Lea came back to Twilight Town.

 

He really loves this place. Where Radiant Garden is ironically cold and holds morbid memories, Twilight Town is a symbol of hope. Despite everything, he was able with Roxas and Xion by his side to reclaim these bitter memories. Twilight Town might be the place where Xion disappeared, where Roxas lived his most hopeless week, but it’s also the place where they could have some hours to themself. Just hanging out like friends, eating ice-cream and watching the sunset.

 

 

 

* * *

 

After the final battle against Xehanort, Lea was scared of what to do with the kids. He chased after them for more than a year but it felt like a decade. When they reunited at last, they had to dry their tears fast, Sora needed them. They’ll have all the time in worlds to discuss later. Lea couldn’t however ignore his fears.

 

He felt like he was going to have a heartattack when he saw from a distance Xion being pulled away by a keyhole in the sky. Roxas fortunally caught her. He doesn’t want to be apart from the two of them for one more second. They’ve just met again, they couldn’t disappear again. It was out of the question ! The threat of losing them again during this last battle had him dying inside.

This battle was thrilling but also horrifying. Fighting side by side with other keyblades wielders was stimulating to say the least. He protected himself, protected others and they protected him. Not fighting alone was – something.

 

Group missions during his years in the organisation were a mere farce. He thinks only Roxas and Xion truly beneficied from their duo. They’ve kinda invented solidarity Lea thought. They didn’t know what it was and yet they became friends and truly helped and supported each other – because they were willing to.

Roxas would say that Axel had helped too with that keyblades not _working_ thing and all. But Lea knows he couldn’t fully enjoy this friendship. Axel constantly thought about how fake all of this was. He knew everything. Everything about Roxas, about Xion, about the Replica Program, about Sora. He tried to convince himself that he just had to play the babysitter role while Xemnas and Saïx adapted their plan through the course of events.

 

Because Xion was erased from everyone’s memories, he couldn’t even feel bad for his cowardice when he became Lea again. He couldn’t remember how he should have saved them both and not chosen one. He thought all three of them couldn’t have a future and he feels very bad for it only now.

He remembered solely Roxas for a long time. How he should have fled with him. How he should have stopped the organisation’s plan sooner. Axel ended up betraying the organisation. Firstly by allowing Naminé to go and then by chasing after Sora by himself. He wanted to tear Sora apart. To get Roxas back and do the right thing this time. To stop lying to him, to start being a good friend.

 

 

Come to think of it, what was going on with him and that last _redemption act_  ? He let Kairi go before she was taken by Saïx ? He saved Sora ? He’s a joke. Does he have a hero’s complex or something ? Ahhhh – Sora makes everything difficult. The kid didn’t deserve to die either. Even to get Roxas back he couldn’t kill Sora. Maybe he felt that at this point of his life the least he could is not letting another kid die by his fault.

 

 

_Doing the right thing_.

 

Why was he so obsessed with it ?

 

Why did he joined the Guardians of Light ?

 

To repent himself ? To convince himself that if he didn’t die it was to pay his _debts_  ?

 

To be a good guy ? To play the hero ? To be the Lea his younger self wanted to be ?

 

 

Well Kairi would say that it was because he wanted to work hard to get everyone he ever loved to his side. To make them happy, because they deserve it.

« You deserve to be happy too Axel. » Kairi is such a sweetheart.

 

 

 

Lea misses her.

 

He hopes Sora will save her.

 

 

 

It’s been a month since Sora went to search for her. Since Riku didn’t want to go back to the Destiny Islands alone, he’s spending his days at Yensid’s Tower with Mickey, Donald and Goofy.

 

After they all departed of the Keyblades Graveyard, the Guardians of Light spend some days there too. Yensid had to check everybody’s health. They had fought hard after all. Other than their physical state, some were still processing everything that happened, especially Aqua. Lea’d heard she had really bad nightmares the first days after the war. Yensid thought she wasn’t ready to go home with Terra and Ven. Obviously the two boys stayed with her at the Tower.

 

The first night at Yensid’s Tower, Xion and Roxas both asked if they could sleep in Lea’s room. Of course Lea had said yes with a huge smile.

They didn’t talk that much that night. They were mostly tired. They had all the time in the world now, didn’t they ? They can still get all they have to say off their chest later. Lea sure had a lot of apologizes to do.

 

One night, Lea was having trouble sleeping. He was worried about what to do now. He called Ienzo that day to ask if Isa was recompleted yet. He had said that they’ve found him in the castle, where he was supposed to have become a nobody in the first place. Isa was unconscious fo now and Ienzo feared he might be in that state for a little while.

 

Xion noticed Lea wasn’t sleeping. "Axel ? Are you okay ?" Lea didn’t know she wasn’t sleeping either. He was a little startled. "I’mfineXiondontworry !" Lea talked way too rapidly betraying himself.

"Axel." Xion got up from her foam mattress, slowly to not wake up Roxas sleeping just next to her. "You promised to be more honest with us no later than 2 days ago." She sat on Lea’s bed as Lea sat up himself. "Please… What’s wrong ?"

 

Man, why does he always fucks up ? "Alright Xion, I’m sorry." He said as he put one hand behind his head. "It’s just that Isa has been recompleted… ". He looked attentively – nervously too – her expression. She had a slight sad face. Lea was silent for what felt like minutes. "Axel. He’s your friend. There is a lot we still don’t know Roxas and I, but… I imagine that you must want for him to be well. I don’t want to think about what happened in the organisation, but… " She hesitated for a moment. "Is it too soon to ask you how he was like before ? Before he became a nobody I mean…"

Lea was really taken aback. "Are you sure ? I mean I really wish to tell you both everything. I didn’t really have time to tell you guys about everything I went through before the organisation. But I don’t want to press you. You both had a lot to unpack already and I-"

 

"Axel. If you don’t feel ready it’s alright you know ? " A blonde head came up from the blanket on the foam mattress. "I know me and Xion talked about our sentiments these days." Roxas sat next to Xion and look directly into Lea’s eyes. That little guy wasn’t sleeping either all this time it seems. "But you know ? We trust you Axel, take your time okay ? It’s about your past. I can imagine it isn’t really easy to talk about… ".

 

Lea wanted to cry. He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. How could these two grow so fast ? He’s the adult here ! He should be the one comforting them. He’s so pathetic. Not able to talk about himself because he have spent half of his life ignoring his own feelings – It stinks – It bugs me. Of course idiot ! You’ve gotten attached to both of them ! Of course you’ve felt like something was wrong. Axel was such a moron.

 

A tearful Lea raised his hands and ruffles the kids’s hair. "How come you both happened to babysit me ?" Lea smiled. "I’ll tell you about it when we find a way to start a normal life, okay ?" Roxas and Xion nodded. Lea then asked "I just want you to answer one question, I’ll never be able to make peace with my mind if I don’t know."

 

"What it is ?" Xion said.

 

"Why do you both trust me after what I’ve done and said to you ?"

 

Roxas and Xion looked at each other, surprised. They smiled and then looked at Lea again.

 

"Because you’ve searched for us since the day we were separated" Roxas talked first. "And you did the good thing in the end, it’s not that you’ve become a Gardian of Light or that you’ve gotten a keyblade I don’t care about that, it’s that my friend Axel is finally here with us. The organization isn’t here anymore to pressure you. You wanted us back and you’ve worked hard for it. We saw you you know ? Through Sora."

 

Lea took some minutes to understand what Roxas just said… Wait ! He didn’t think it worked like that… "Weren’t your heart sort of merged within Sora ?"

 

Roxas laughted "You know ? I was really pissed at Sora when you died ?" At that Lea couldn’t keep his voice low "WHAT ?!" Lea looked at Xion in distress, and she just nodded at him.

 

_Oh_.

They saw him at his most pathetic state.

 

"Come on Roxas ! Don’t start to confuse him with these hearts stories." Xion started to whine. "More seriously Axel. I just want to tell you that I remember one specific thing. One memory I hold deeply into my heart."

 

Lea calmed himself.

Xion breathed a little more rapidly, as if she was anxious to share this. "One day, you promised us we would go to the beach right ? On our next break." Lea remembers. It was after he learned her true nature and how the Replica Program wasn’t only about the Riku-Replica.

 

"You already knew about me right ?" Seeing Axel’s face, she guessed she was right. "You still wanted the three of us to be like we were friends, far away from the organisation, for at least a little while. You believed in our bonds at this moment, I remember how your eyes looked. I thought that maybe you’ve actually felt what friendship was and not just talked about it to us. Our friendship was real, if it weren’t you wouldn’t have tried to enjoy our time together while it lasted."

 

"I forgive you because I know you wouldn’t let us be used as tool and puppet again. You wouldn’t let us be taken away. If you had to relive that part of our life, you wouldn’t make the same choices again. I- I know you you-" She suddenly started to cry. Roxas, panicked, had no clue of what to do. "Xion !"

 

"I know you had **picked** Roxas !"

Lea was shaking. How can he explains himself ? He has no excuse really. He had to choose to save one of them, sacrifying the other. And he thought he could now be with the two of them forever. Lea started to panic inside. His face betraying nothing, as usual. He’s so used to pretend. His eyes however can’t lie. He’s in total despair.

 

Xion however quicly took his hand. "But if you had to make a choice again, you would just take us both and run away ! Right Axel ?"

Lea and Xion watched each other for a long time. Roxas was silent on Xion’s side. His eyes unfocused.

 

Lea finally decided to grab a tissue on the side of his bed and hand it to Xion. "Come one, dry your tears first. I think we are all tired of crying." She grabbed it but her hand was trembling a little, it fell. Roxas picked it up and wiped Xion’s tears away. She smiled "Thanks Roxas."

He smiled back and put his hand on her shoulder. He didn’t know what to say. He should let Axel and Xon settle this.

 

Lea was about to talk again but Xion interrupted him "Before you answer, I just want you to know that it was my choice too.  I have never blamed you. We both wanted to save Roxas. I felt trapped when I realised that my mere existence was causing so much pain. You guys fought because of me. But returning to Sora was the only choice I could have ever made. I tried to decide what to do by my own."

Roxas suddenly pull them both into a hug. "I’m sorry for interrupting but I want to say that I’m just so happy that we are here. All three of us together." Roxas hide his face between the two of them. "It frustrates me that I’m not that good with words. There is so much more I wish I could say. But I know you guys are happy to be reunited too, isn’t it what matters ?"

Lea ruffles Roxas hair once again – it’s starting to be a habit. "I am Roxas. I’m very happy ! Thank you." He then smiled at Xion "I will never let you down ever again. They’ll say I can’t save you both again, I’ll just do the impossible." Xion jumped to hug Lea, her arms around  his neck – trying to not squish Roxas too much. "That what matters Axel ! Thank you !"

 

All three of them were so tired, they fell asleep on top of each other minutes later.

 

 

One day, Lea finally found an appartment in Twilight Town, not that far from the Market Street. When  they’ve discussed about where they should live, they’ve agreed to not make the Old Mansion their home. Roxas really didn’t like this place. The kids said they prefer a place where they can see people and not feel isolated. Understandable.

Lea also thought it might be easier for him – when he’ll find a job – to be in the town and not in the woods. Lea travelled between Twilight Town and the Myterious Tower a lot. He was preparing everything. He was doing little jobs to gain munnies. He cleaned their future home, he arranded their rooms. He also asked the 3 fairies to create new casual outfits like they did for their new nightclothes. Lea had the one Yensid gave him, but it feels a little too much like he was a keyblade wielder. He just wants to live normally from no on. He needs something more practical and so does Xion. Roxas insisted for having his old outfit back.

 

As Lea was getting everything settle, Xion and Roxas were spending their days with Ventus, the little prince of heart as Lea likes to call him – he understood briefly trought Terra that this blondie was a pure light. Roxas and Ventus compared their skills and told each other little tips. They’ve also discovered their shared passion for skateboard ? Lea thought he should buy one for each of them, Xion too if she wants.

One night the Guardians of Light decided to explain everything that happened to them, even Aqua who was starting to feel better. It’s strange how they’re all somewhat connected. Terra had Xemnas’s face, Aqua is the reason Kairi was saved from the Radiant Garden tragedy. And who would have thought that Sora also saved Ven’s heart. Lea had always been confused about why did Sora’s nobody looked like that blonde kid he briefly met years ago. Everything was starting to make sense now.

 

Lea didn’t see Riku that much. He was always busy with Mickey, Donald and Goofy. He feels bad for him. He just lost his most precious friends. Lea wish he could help him, but he’s just an apprentice keyblade wielder, he doesn’t know half of what Riku already knows – about connections, hearts, dreams.

But, Riku’s faith in Sora is unbelievable. He works hard sure, but it isn’t because he thinks he should save Sora and Kairi, it’s because he thinks that if Sora ever needs him, he has to be ready. Sora is on _his_ journey, a journey he has to complete alone.

Lea’ve heard the way Riku was talking about Sora. He asked him one day, about that Mark of Mastery exam that Yensid was talking about. And Riku shared his experience. He said that it was when he truly understood Sora’everything. Through their parallel journey, Riku’s heart connected to Sora’s.

Riku understood how important it is to prove yourself… well to yourself. He truly felt like, after everything he has done, after Sora’s saved him coutless times with his kind words, he wanted to save Sora by himself.

Through his own insecurities, he understood Sora’s – Sora’s desire to save Kairi on his own.

 

 "Sora fears to lose his friends. He will always thinks it’s his fault, that he isn’t good enough. I wish I could help him right now, but I believe in him. He needs that."

 

 

Sora.

 

 

That kid is truly incredible

 

 

* * *

 

After they’ve moved to Twilight Town, Ienzo was becoming more optimistic about Isa’s condition.

 

 

Lea works a lot. He has 3 jobs, and he really doesn’t have much time to support Roxas and Xion through their first days at school. Fortunaly that trio of kids, Hayner, Pence and Olette went to talk to Roxas directly when they saw him. Lea knows Roxas was friend with their alter-ego in the other Twilight Town. He hopes Roxas isn’t too overwhelmed. Since that day, Roxas, Xion and the other three go to eat ice-cream on the clock tower every afternoons.

  
"They always felt like they knew Sora already when they’ve met him, and they instinctively felt connected to me when they saw a picture of me." Roxas said with his mouth full. They were sitting on the terrace of that new restaurant – they were eating here almost every evening because no one knew how to cook between the three of them.

  
Lea wish he had more time to be with the kids. He felt bad.

 

  
They were finally together and he couldn’t be there for them. He hopes they don’t have too much troubles with school – they would tell him if that was the case right ?

 

 

God, he was so **tired**.

 

 

At least, Isa was starting to be better. Ienzo said he personally treat him. Lea is glad. He really can’t trust Even or Ansem the Wise on this. He still hasn’t forgiven them to be honest. Ienzo was a child when the tragedy happened but these two should have been more careful and condemn Xehanort’s human experimentations. Ansem the Wise was also a dick to Naminé and Roxas, he can atone all he wants but Lea surely doesn’t want to live in Radiant Garden with him as their king.

 

He’s kinda hypocritical isn’t he ? Lea wanted to atone and be forgiven by Xion and Roxas, shouldn’t he also forgive that man ? He’s trying to bring back Naminé after all – like Saïx brought back Xion.

  
And Axel made the Riku-Replica kill Zexion, how could Ienzo be so kind to him and keep him updated on Isa’s health ?

 

 

He’s **lost**.

 

 

During some nights – when he isn’t too tired, Lea tells his and Isa’s story to Xion and Roxas. He told them about how they didn’t have any parents and were raised with other orphans. Him and Isa always had each other. They were always together. However he did not intend to go over some details about his relationship with Isa.

  
Does Xion and Roxas even understand what a crush is ? Maybe through their connection to Sora’s heart ? Or Roxas’s programmed personality ? Does he have to do THE talk ?!

 

 

One day, Roxas came back from school a little sooner than expected. He was crying.

 

The kid didn’t want to go to school tomorow. Roxas had a panic attack. He suddenly felt like everything was vanishing, that everyone would just walk through him, as if he hadn’t existed in the first place. Xion, who spent the day with Olette came back and immediately tried to comfort Roxas.

"Roxas ! It’s- It’s okay ! We’re both here, you didn’t disappear, I can touch you don’t worry !" She hugged him. As she was appeasing Roxas, Lea was trying to make dinner. He’s learning little by little – he has to be a responsible adult after all. Please don’t let this taste terrible !

The food was passable, which was an improvement. It didn’t bother Xion and Roxas though.

 

That night, after Roxas fell asleep on the couch, Xion talked to Lea about the nightmares she’s been having. She just continuously fell into the ocean, she was freezing, she was drowning. She tries to picture the look of the sea on the surface but she can’t. All she can think about is a deep dark ocean without any bottom. She didn’t want to worry Lea, so she just tried to go back to sleep most of the time when she was waking up in sweats.

"I’m so scared to forget everything, to lose everything. I don’t think I have ever tell you, but I didn’t remember my first days in the organization. So when I’ve started to remember names, places, faces, and put meaning in them, I was so scared to forget everything the next day."

Lea hugged her this time, her face on his chest, his chin resting on her head. "Again, I’m sorry for everything that happened. And I’m sorry for not being in touch with you both lately. If you ever need to take a day or two off, just to rest, just tell me okay ? Don’t force yourself to pretend everything is okay when it’s not. You have time."

Xion raised her arms and returned the hug. "Thanks Axel." She was starting to sob. Lea talked again "I’ll tell that to Roxas too later okay ?" Xion nodded.

 

Roxas was started to move. He was waking up. "You both should go to your room, or do you want to sleep with me tonight ? I’m warning you I need to wake up early to go to Radiant Garden tomorrow."

"If it doesn’t bother you, yes I think I’ll sleep in your room. Xion ? You’re going to ?" Roxas asked with tired eyes. Xion breaks the hug and goes by Roxas’s side. "Yes. I’ll do that too." She was sniffing "Has Isa gotten better ?" 

"Yes, Ienzo said his heart was stable, at least enough for me to see him. I’ll spent the afternoon at Radiant Garden okay ?" They both acquiesced and they all went to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Lea was sitting on a chair outside of the restaurant. He was thinking about his reunion with Isa.

 

 I hope he doesn’t think he’s a burden, Lea thought. He always was secretive about his feelings. Please Isa don’t shut yourself away !

Lea needs to think about what to do now. If Isa wants to stay at Radiant Garden he’ll understand, but he’s scared to lose touch with him. Even if they drift apart, he wants to at least be clear about his feelings. Enough with the unspoken things !

But he can’t rush Isa. His health is the top priority right now.

AHHHH ! Why is everything so complicated !

 

As Lea was starting to go home, he heard someone calling him.

 

It was Riku.

 

"Hey Riku ! What are you doing here ?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Day 224: Xion**  
>  Author: Axel  
> Even if Xion is a Replica - a puppet - she's still Xion. I understand that in my head, but how do I interact with her now? Riku-Replica was just a tool, but I can't just use Xion. No, I was wrong to have just used Riku-Replica in the first place. How is a man-made puppet any less worthy than a Nobody that was never meant to exist at all?  
> They're both ambiguous. Tenuous at best. And she's my friend. Even if neither of us should exist, that doesn't invalidate the bonds we form. Next break we get, I told her we'd all go to the beach. I hope we get the chance. Our little summer vacation. I know if we can get together and laugh about stupid stuff, this nagging doubt will go away.  
>    
>  **Day 353: A Future That Never Was**  
>  Author: Axel  
> I couldn't tell Xion she was wrong, and I can't bring myself to end her. But it's either that, or I have to erase Roxas. There's no future where the three of us can sit around and eat ice cream. I know Roxas will never understand. I don't want to acknowledge it myself.
> 
>  
> 
> I really like those Secret Reports from 358/2 days. I wouldn't have been able to write Axel if I didn't read them all over again honestly. Axel is such a great character. He wasn't really a good friend but he wished he was. I can't wait to write more about him.
> 
> Another thing, I know Lea's clothes are supposed to be from Yensid, but it seems too casual too be a keyblade wielder outfit?? Idk let's just say his clothes at the end of kh3 are something else entirely ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
